Power is rarely discussed

Ken: We’ll keep this fairly short because we’re late already. There are a few things that we wanted to cover this evening. This is the introduction to the Power and Presence retreat here at Mount Baldy, October 8th, 2008.

Several of you—in discussion we had in the introductions and so forth—mentioned that you were curious or felt you had a need for power or some relationship with power. Power is not a subject that is discussed very directly, very often. And there are very definite reasons for this. One of them is that in institutional settings power is rarely discussed because it tends to upset the institutional structure. In our own society power is rarely discussed because it’s been given a bad name so with the consequences that if you feel like you’re a good person, then you don’t have a relationship with power. And the result of that is that the bulk of people who have a relationship with power and exercise it are bad people, which is part of the reason why we have a lot of problems in our society.

And people often think that spiritual practice is where they shouldn’t have anything to do with power because it’s about being spiritual and being peaceful and so forth. And we have such idiocies as the “peaceful warrior” which further undermine people’s relationship with power. Yet, with all of that going on, power is an essential component of spiritual practice. And it is also an essential component of life. Mention was made of power, presence, and boundaries. There’s an intimate relationship between maintenance of boundaries and power and we’ll be exploring that, but there’s also a very deep relationship between power and the ability to make the appropriate effort in one’s practice. And that’s what we want to explore very, very briefly this evening. We’ve got about three things.

One is just a little demonstration of power, which we’ll do as a kind of paired exercise, and give you an idea of what we mean by power and where that’s going to go in the course during this retreat. Then Jeff’s going to take you through the primary meditation practice that we’ll be using that’ll form the basis of practice in this retreat. And then we’ll conclude with the beginning of a series of chapters, you might say, I suppose, which will unfold a tale about power.

Power, presence and peace

Ken: Now I’m going to say something which may seem paradoxical, and that is: the relationship between power and presence rests on the notion of peace. You will be most effective in power when you are at peace internally, and the ability to find peace in challenging or difficult situations determines largely your effectiveness in dealing with those situations. This is another way of saying that if we’re agitated and disturbed and excited or anything like that, it’s very difficult to bring the kind of attention that’s necessary to be present in difficult and challenging situations. And I want to ask Jeff to stand up and show you the exercise we’re going to do.

It’s very difficult, very complicated, and you’ll both have a role, play both roles in this. So just watch. Jeff is just going to stand there and I put my hand on his shoulder. Then I’m just going to push a little bit. Now, I just pushed a little bit and Jeff resisted. And you want to feel this very, very clearly. So you’re not going to be exerting a lot of force. I am just pushing and I can feel the resistance right there. And I want you to pay attention to what you feel, what you experience the moment that you feel that resistance.

And if you’re being pushed on, I want you to experience what arises the moment you feel the push and the push is actually going to be quite gentle. You noticed I haven’t been really pushing Jeff around very much. So it’s just like that. Now this time he didn’t give me any resistance. You noticed that? He just moved. That’s the second part of the exercise. And notice what happens when that movement takes place and notice what it’s like for you to move immediately when you feel the push. So this is what I want you to do right now. So just take anybody. Stand up and do this. Anything to add? Okay.

No talking, please. Just do it. And then increase the pressure, very slightly. Yeah. And just feel what’s that like. What happens in you as you push ever so slightly. Just feel what happens in you and what happens when you are pushed, ever so slightly. Okay. Reverse roles and try it.

Okay. So now change roles. So the person who is pushing is the one who’s pushed and vice versa. Has everybody done it in both directions? Okay. So let’s hear from you. What was your experience, Dave?

Dave: There we go. I noticed that with resistance there was holding of the breath.

Ken: So, something in you stops. Okay. Yeah.

Dave: Yeah. And when there was relaxation and going with the push I felt extension and there wasn’t the holding of the breath, more breathing with it sort of thing.

Ken: Anybody else? Nobody else had any other experience. [Laughter] Stephanie.

Stephanie: Bodily stiffening, holding of the breath, but I flashed on the biblical phrase “and the Pharaoh hardened his heart.” There was just, if you dig in, you get hard. And then on the release, it was almost a vanishing [pause] feeling. Not there.

Ken: Okay. How many of you can relate to what people are describing? Okay. Jeff, could you stand up again please? So I’m going to exaggerate, but as I start to push, don’t move. Okay. As I start to push, I start to get [unclear], okay. Thank you. [Laughter]

Well, what’s happening there? It is that as soon as you start to push you’re wielding power, and there’s an acceleration that takes place as soon as you move into that intentional action ,and you get lost in it. It just accelerates and you’re out of the experience. And that’s what you’re describing. That’s what leads to the holding of the breath and the tensing. It happens that quickly. And this is why most people are not present in the exercise of power. And this is a very, very small thing we’re doing. It’s just that little push and we can’t be present in it. So what I’d like you to do right now is to stand up with your partner again and actually make the effort to be right in the experience completely.

Jeff: Can I add something to that?

Ken: Please.

Jeff: Think of if you’re lifting something really heavy, like a piano and a fly lands on it, you can’t tell. If you’re lifting a feather and a fly lands on it, you can tell. So try using very little effort so you can tell tiny differences. So you can catch that point where something happens.

Ken: And what you’re focusing on, what I want you to pay attention to is the experience of acceleration in you. Okay?

Student: Can we repeat the same exercise, first the resistance and then [unclear]?

Ken: Don’t worry about the resistance. It’s mainly the experience of pushing and the other person does whatever they do, or whatever happens. But focus on what happens in you as you start to intend to push and you move into the gentle push. Okay.

Alex, put your hand on his shoulder and now start, okay. Slow that down about a hundred fold. So you can feel everything that happens in you. [Pause]

Okay. Change roles.

Okay. What was it like this time? Laura?

Laura: It was a very curious experience of every minute resistance, catching myself, wanting to shove.

Ken: There. That’s the acceleration right there. Very good. Okay. Anybody else? Peter.

Peter: Yeah. I could feel the tightening up, but it wasn’t a complete thing. I was aware of it. It didn’t say.

Ken: You had the feedback coming in all the time?

Peter: Yeah. And really it was a desire to dive into it.

Ken: Yeah. So how many of you could feel that? Okay. That’s what takes you out of presence? Exactly that. Your intention is to push gently and there’s this acceleration that starts to happen.Now because you’re intending to do you’re accelerating already, but when the acceleration takes over, you’re out of attention and now something else is running the show. How many of you experienced that when you’ve tried to wield power in your life?

Okay. Now we’re going to change the context slightly. Jeff, we’ll be taking you through this in terms of the meditation. You sit in meditation. You rest attention on the breath, say, or you rest in the experience of breathing. Some sensation or a thought arises. What happens in you? Anybody? David.

David: Chocolate cone. [Laughs] Yeah, that works. I think that one of the things is that attention goes to a narrower place and that is on that thing, whatever it was, whatever the object of attention became then.

Ken: Yeah. Anybody else? Thought or sensation arises, what happens? How many of you tense up? Okay. How many of you tried to push it away? Okay. All of this is the exercise of power and you’re not present in it. So this is the application in meditation. How to be that present in your meditation. So whatever’s arising, you’re actually in that experience.

What needs to happen is already known and it will happen, but it doesn’t happen when that acceleration just takes over. Then you start getting into a fight real quickly. How many of you know that one? Yeah. Third. How many of you have practiced insight at some point? I know many of you have. Okay. So you have this instruction. Look at your mind. You recall this? And when you look at your mind, what do you see? Nothing. We all know that. And it doesn’t matter how many times I give the instruction, people keep asking, what is my mind? What is my mind? What is my mind?

The question, “What is my mind?” or “What am I?” starts the push. There’s a shift that happens immediately. Then the acceleration takes over—people keep pushing, and that doesn’t help in the practice at all. And eventually they just crumble up into a lot of activity, a lot of confusion and ended up in the conceptual, “Well, my mind is space,” or “My mind is this,” and things like that, but they’re no longer in the experience. So these are three ways that this crops up, just that very little push, or in our resting meditation, or in the looking meditation. So this is what we’re going to explore. And we also explore how this applies in our lives. But right now I want to turn it over to Jeff, who’s going to introduce you to the meditation practice that we’re going to do for this retreat.

Primary practice and opening

Jeff: You do primary practice. I’m sure at least several of you have done it before, but this is a slightly different way of approaching it.

A little preamble. When I was training in movement, I was in New York and in the technique I trained in, improvisation was a big part of it—but the improvisation was called theory. It was very precise. What you improved around wasn’t about self-expression.

So for instance, you might work with time—and time was when something happens, how long it happens for, things like that. And I discovered that in order to really be in that improvisation, if I imposed that theoretical framework and then tried to figure it out or act it out, it was, at best, utterly boring for myself and everyone involved. But if I simply posed it, let go of it, acted, and noticed what came up, I would discover things.

So I would encourage you as we go through this, and as you go through it in the following days, don’t try to do concepts of these ideas, just try to pose it, try it and see what happens. Okay.

So get in a comfortable position you can sit in for a few moments. And just take a moment to bring your awareness to your breathing. Okay. Just let your attention rest with the action of breathing. [Pause]

Notice the movements of your breathing: your ribs, your stomach, maybe your chest or back. [Pause] And then notice the stillness that the movements of your breathing come out of and return to. Just notice the stillness that’s always there.

And then open to that stillness. You might feel a shift. And if you do, just rest there. And then again include the movements of your breathing. So you’re open to the stillness and to the movements that arise in this stillness. And then add in other proprioceptive or kinesthetic sensations—the feeling of the parts of you that are resting on your cushion, or on the floor, on the chair. Just add those other feelings in. We’re going to go through this a little quickly. So just go with it.

Shift your attention to your visual field. [Pause]

Look at the space, the space that surrounds all the objects that you see, the space that surrounds and lies in between. And then open to that space. And in that open space include the objects that you see that arise in this space. And again, if you feel the shift just rest right there.

Now bring your awareness to your auditory field. What you hear. Listen for the stillness that all the sounds come out of and return to. And open to that stillness. And then include the sounds that arise in that stillness.

In that openness notice any thoughts that come and go and include those thoughts. Don’t follow them. Just let them come and go.

And then notice any emotions that come up and just include those.

Now open your heart, whatever that means to you.

Then bring your awareness to what experiences. If you feel a shift, just rest right there. [Pause]

All right. Bring your attention back to your breath for a moment. And rest from that, come back into the room. If you left.

Now a couple of things. I took you through that sequentially. The intention would be you’re going towards it being additive. You keep including, keep including the other senses. I have found it helpful to first go through sequentially, to first experience, say, the kinesthetic field and then experience visually until you are getting enough attention that you’d begin to be able to just add the other senses in. If at any point in there you lose track, collapse down, your mind starts to wander, then when you catch that, come back to where you were when you wandered off and just continue from there.

And this was a little different in that first we’re focusing on the field—whether it’s the space of the visual field, stillness underlying a kinesthetic field or silence underneath sound—and then including what arises in that. So try that out. Any questions? Is that clear enough that you can do that tomorrow morning for practice?

Ken: When you do this, do this the same way we did the pushing exercise. Here are the pushes, the opening. So you open to what you can. And as soon as you feel that acceleration, where you start trying, making an effort, you stop right there and just rest right there.

Jeff: Just do this movement that Ken just used. Just gently clench your fist and then just let it open however much it opens. You’re not trying to open it. You just let it. That’s what opening is. Okay.

Ken: And it’s just as Jeff says, it’s just as much as soon as it opens, maybe it’s like that and you rest right there. All of the usual stuff will come up trying to do it right. Trying to do all of it at once. Trying to be perfect. I suspect that some of those agendas operate in one or two of you. So when they arise, include them in the experience. That’s what’s there. Just include.

Jeff: Fairytale?

Ken: If you wish.

Jeff: It’s as you wish. [Laughter]

Ken: I’m sorry. Yes, you’re right. [Laughs]

The White Bird: part 1

Jeff: Okay. It’s fairytale time. We’re going to be using a tale called The White Bird, and we’re going to go through it during the retreat. So as you listen, just let a little bit in the back of your mind be thinking about what’s come up tonight about power and how that might relate to the tale. Okay.

Once upon a time, some time that might’ve been long ago, there was a king and the king was getting old and tired and began to think that it was time to put down the responsibilities of governing, but he had a problem. He had three sons, three princes, and as far as he could tell each was as smart and gifted as the others. So he had no idea who would be the best new king. And so he thought about this for a long time. He just kept thinking and thinking, what shall I do? And finally the idea occurred to him. He decided to send the three princes on a quest and whichever of them brought back the fruit of the tree of happiness would be the one that was fit to be king.

So in a few days the three sons set out, they set out together down the road, off to find what they could find. And they traveled all day, all day long, didn’t stop to eat. They just kept going and going. So by nightfall they were starting to get pretty tired. And they came to a place in the road where there were two houses. The house on the one side of the road was a huge grand building, stone and wood, stucco, had all these windows and they could see the flickering firelight inside. And they could hear people laughing and lamplight glowing. Hear the clinking of glasses and songs. They could smell wonderful foods and above the door, it said, who enters here shall have what they want and pay nothing for it.

Well, they looked across at the other side of the road and they saw this small broken-down shabby, cold, dark hut, no light coming from it whatsoever. And the sign above that door said, who enters here shall have what they need and pay what they can. Now, the two older brothers laughed at this and just turned to the young prince and just said, it’s pretty obvious. Let’s go to this great place over here. We can get whatever we want and pay nothing for it. And the prince said, wait, wait, I’m not comfortable with that. I think I would much prefer to get what I need and pay what I can. The older brothers thought this was ridiculous, argued with him, brow-beat him, but he didn’t budge. So they finally just threw up their hands, gave up, walked over to the big house, knocked on the door. And when the door opened, light poured out, people greeted them warmly, songs. They were invited in and the door closed. So the prince turned and walked over to that old cold, dark hut. And he knocked on the door. And after a time, the door slowly opened and there stood an old, old man. His hair was white. His beard was white. He was dressed in tatters.

We’ll stop there. [Laughter] Come back next time.

Ken: Okay. Tomorrow morning, for your meditation, do the practice that Jeff led you through as he described. This is cumulative. You include more and more. So start with what you can include, beginning with the experience of breathing, just as he described. And over the course of the retreat, we have to include more and more. Remember what we talked about a few moments ago: include what you can and rest in that. Include what you can and rest in that. Explore that as your practice.

We’re going to close here for the evening. For those of you not familiar with the qi gong, please stay and I’ll take you through that quickly so you can participate in that in the morning. And the rest of you, some of you have traveled very long distances, you get a good night’s sleep. We can take up a few questions. Alex.

Alex: During the meditation, I experienced a sensation similar to the sensation I experienced when I was doing the dzogchen meditations that you described in one of your podcasts. And that quickly became stale in a sense, it became this sort of conditioned mental phenomenon where, it was a formula I did with an expectation. Do you have any advice about how to avoid that for this kind of … The problem, I guess, is that it feels really good.

Jeff: So, so follow, just listen to the sound and follow it with your listening. [Bell is struck]. And keep listening after it’s gone. And as soon as it gets stale, just start again. So if it gets stale to listen to the silence, it gets conceptual. Include the vividness of the sounds, but don’t let go of this. Don’t forget about the silence.

Alex: I’ll give it a try. Thanks

Ken: Things go stale, boredom, right?

Alex: It wasn’t boredom so much as it was a formulaic approach. I could say that I was doing it just to feel good and that was leading to a …

Ken: But staleness is a sensation. Isn’t it?

Alex: I don’t mean it as a sensation, I guess.

Ken: But there’s a sensation there. Isn’t there? There’s a flavor to the experience which you call stale.

Alex: Yeah. And the, and the flavor is one of inauthenticity.

Ken: Include that. Any other questions before we close? Okay. Thank you for your attention. Get a good night’s sleep.